For anybody who’s taken their life in their hands and decided to strap two wood and fiberglass pieces of board to their feet and then careen down a hill, arms windmilling wildly only to strike a tree at about 700 miles an hour, there’s actually something attractive that could come out of it. Looking good can be better than being good when it comes to skiing, so consider fashion before skiing lessons.

Consider that Alpine skiing equipment probably costs hundreds and even thousands of dollars today. Consider, also, that most ski resorts rent the stuff, and for prices that are at least cheaper than the 18 weeks of hospital stay that usually ensue when Alpine skiing isn’t done properly on the part of somebody who thinks they actually know how to ski without the benefit of lessons.

This is why it can be a magnificent idea to just go with the rental gear and get clothing that’ll help somebody look like they’ve conquered the last two Winter Olympics and walked away with all of the gold medals. And though being laughed at because the bunny slope is the only ski area that the fake Olympic skier will be on, consider the sheer mortal danger of skiing on a hill higher than a few feet in height. It’ll all be worth it in the end.

Still, spending a little dough on a nice black sport watch that’s timed to chime when happy hour over at the chalet is set to begin is probably worth all of the accolades that might be thrown one’s way after skiing down a black diamond slope, though one was actually looking for the restroom at the top of the lift. Of course, ’skiing down’ implies actually doing so deliberately. ‘Falling down’ was actually what happened.

Much of this obsession with skiing is also why it’ll be a pretty smart idea to get a black helmet for wear while tumbling (which is actually the word that should be substituted for ’skiing, ‘ in most peoples’ cases) down a slope; it’ll hide all the dents that one took to the noggin while running into other skiers and more than a few trees. The ski patrol will certainly be appreciative, at least.

There’s really no great secret to skiing other than to realize that man was not made to hurtle down 80% inclines at greater than the speed of light. All of that white stuff seems cruelly designed by some omnipotent deity who likes to watch the tiny little — and very fragile — humans fall down on it and then roll around in agony. Oh, but the gods are foul masters!

In the end, it’s probably best to spend the bucks buying good-looking clothing that’ll also look good at the clubhouse while all of that rental ski gear sits outside, collecting ice and snow while the hot toddies are being poured inside. What’s the point of going to a ski resort, after all, if the only thing to do is to ski?